Auctions are an established and ancient concept. Blah blah some history of auctions etc I can google and so can you, look, this is about whisky auctions let's not get all fancy here. In fact, this is not a fancy blog at all, it's right down to it, I am so sick and tired of preamble I could literally scream in the streets this is a blog about buying whisky at auction. If you are reading this, perhaps, you might have done it already, so what could I possibly add, what is this, what's going on? Let me tell you what's going on here, this is a blog where I interview someone who has bought at auction. Yes, that's right, I am interviewing people, in a kind and calm manner, unlike this opening paragraph which is unnecessarily aggressive. If you read this opening paragraph and didn't find it aggressive at all, well, you read it wrong you fucking numbskull.
OK, so I am interviewing a winner of the Whisky Twitter Awards 2021, a user known as 'Bert Smedly', which is, I am told, his real name. What follows is a chat we had on Twitters 'DM' function. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did, and that you learn something from 'old Bert'
Hello Bert, how are you doing today?
Ooh, straight in with the "low-ballers"!
I'm going for the (standard) "checkout"...
I'm fine...and yourself?
I am fine, thank you!
Ha!
I noticed that you buy whisky at auction a lot, and wondered if you wouldn't mind answering some questions?
I do. Most of my purchases are from auctions.
Ah, that's great! Overall, how much of your whisky purchases are made at auction? As a percentage let's say
At least 70% at a conservative estimate, possibly more
You mentioned something about a rule you have (we were chatting earlier), and the numbers 4 and 10, could you expand on that for our dear readers?
Price plays a big part in the "whisky game" and it can be easy to get "carried away" and talk ourselves into paying more than is sensible. To avoid being "mugged" I've adopted a simple formula: £4PAPASAG10. Simply put, for everyday (non-fomo) purposes, I generally won't pay for than £4 per year of ageing (£4 Per Annum). I might add a Shits&Giggles (we're on the max £4PA, at this point) tenner (or so) above that for a flavour profile that looks "appealing" so £4PerAnnumPlusAShitsAndGiggles10(er) - £4PAPASAG10 for short. Obviously... a Cotswold NAS for a bog standard £30 (other NAS is available) is workable, outside of this, but £250 for a typical 25yr old is way off the charts. I'm a "child of the (last) Whisky Loch" where £2-3PA was, typically, "the norm" - hence my reticence towards paying silly money.
Do you think you have ever bought a fake whisky?
I would say not - I'm not "in" for the "big stuff", although I nearly got stung on a (modest enough) "Dead Distillery" bottle that I didn't research properly. It was semi-famous in that it bore the name of the Distillery, but didn't contain the liquid from that Distillery - apparently to do with ownership of the name... Akin to Kilkerran not being able to call itself Glengyle.
Anyways... There's a fair bit of experience within the online auction houses nowadays vis-a-vis "spotting fakes", so they rarely come up.
What's the best whisky you have picked up at auction?
Before I forget. From memory it was Malt Maniacs who referenced an Invergordon €20 "Ben Wyvis" (leave it!) 🐢
As for best whisky from an auction - that's an impossible question in either taste or value. Most whiskies are lovely (in one way or another). I buy a lot of old blends for "no money". These satisfy a curiosity - even the mingers - and that, in itself, has (great) value. You could argue that they are "best" in providing the knowledge and experience to (sometimes) "debunk" the "good old days brigade" and provide (endless) chuckles (I do love a chuckle) when they "crop up" on specialist whisky sites at £200 ("they're rare, ffs"!).
Other "best" whiskies are the obvious cask strength 💣💥 that are plentiful within the £4PAPASAG10 "mantra".
And... there's recently been something (totally overpriced) but well regarded that is (currently) £500 in "the shops" (rare?) that I picked up for sub £100 (plus "bits" - "bits" are important) that looked lovely but may well have been £50 on release. Sometimes the odd bottle is worth a punt but maybe best to not make a habit of it. One (hedonistic) "full on Shits&Giggles" (turned up to 11) per year - TOPS!. Normally something that is rarely seen. Again, it comes back to "value" and "quality" (as per the Zen/Motorcycle "mash-up") 🦝
What's the one you regret buying the most? Is it the Dead Distillery one?
That would have been (by far) the most outstanding (outbid!! 😂💦). I was new(ish) at auctions but Ben Wyvis (whichbarely saw a decade) is Ben Wyvis (unless it's not!!) I stuck a £100 on it on the first day (to deter time-wasters) and reflected on my strategy to "win" said bottle. I then, in true cart&horse style, set about some (proper) research to establish a sensible amount to bid. My research showed £15 (allowing for (the aforementioned) "bits).
I resigned myself to being" ripped a new one" and accepted that the "Wyvis" would take pride of place in the Smedcave - a testament to the (great levels of) stupidity involved in ignoring the golden rule of auctions (there are a few, but this was THE most golden ...)
DO YOUR RESEARCH (YOU (MASSIVE) FUCKWIT!!🍆)
Also worth a (notable) "shoutout" - bidding £1100 (leave it!) on some JW "Green" Taiwan Wonders (with "plinth", 🙃) - on account of "trigger finger" (a condition that adds a zero to your bid! - "just slow dem fingers down, Hoss"). An embarrassing "I feel I may have overbid" phone call later to the auction house and, phew... current arsehole intact 😖
If you follow the rules - there should be "no tears at bedtime"
I know this is the 'ugly' side of it, but what are your feelings on auction fees? Would you like to see them in the bidding price or are you OK with how it is at the moment?
Again, research is key - "old lags" will know this, but for those not "on the scary horse"
#HWGHWFG™©®
Delivery is THE worst, in terms of fees.
Personally, I have time to pop across the border to collect my winnings and have a "jolly" in the "Big-G" (I buy primarily from 2 Scottish sites). The cost of this 2 dayer (£150 plus "beers", obvs) offsets the (horrendous) delivery charges that are common to (most) online auction houses - typically £5/6 per bottle for "a few"... Single bottle delivery is worse! And that's only for "local" (UK) delivery - where we (people in the UK) live.
Fees, generally, are pretty fair - I feel but it's important to factor them in, otherwise your "bargain" is no bargain at all.
Typically a bottle will incur....
12% buyer's fee (10% plus vat) so £112
Plus delivery, say £5/6 so £118
Plus (as is common) storage (after a month) till delivery/collection say 3.6% (3% plus vat).
So your £100 bottle is now over £120 - essentially a 20%+ "mark up" on the hammer price.
Still totally okay if you picked up a £140 rrp bottle (or bottles amounting to that) - you've saved £20.
Which leads on to the (other) golden rule of "walking away" and leaving another man (or woman) to his (or her) "bargain".
My last question was going to be if you had any advice for first time auction users but I think you covered it. You can of course still answer :)
Research (obvs).
For DRINKING* bottles only (Investment is a whole different "ball game")
(*which is totally where I'm "at" - everything I buy is for opening, drinking and sharing whether via dram swaps, (non-profit) BBC "tastings" or, more recently, assisting with Connor (no relation) Shenty's (fledgeling but similarly non-profit) BilstonWhiskyClub™©®
@CafeBilston
(seamlesss "plugs")🐢💥💥...)
What's the rrp if still available at retail (factor in availability and potential "sale price"). That's (often) what the producers reckoned it to be "worth".
Patience... What does the bottle regularly "fetch" - prices fluctuate (for apparently no reason) over the year so don't be paying (for example) £100 plus for a bottle of Jura Superstition (you know who you are! 🍆) in January when it's £35 the rest of the year...
Don't let fomo take over and "overpay". Most bottles turn up a few times over the course of a year, in assorted auctions, at various prices. Obviously tweak that for bottles you're (really) "gagging for" that rarely turn up. One of my top 3 all-time bottles "showed up" recently. It was £40 rrp (should have bought a couple of cases, but...). I argued with myself that I should really get it. I'd happily pay twice rrp at hammer. At a few quid over - I "walked away". There were at least two other bidders and I felt there was no point paying for nostalgia (it may have disappointed) and would be less of a bargain for the eventual winner.
A week later I won a (similar sounding) SMWS bottle (a bit over the formula) - I daresay it will be lovely 😁
And finally a personal tale of caution... be careful not to "pepper a large bunch of bottles with moderate bids" - you might end up more than you wanted, say 15 bottles of something lovely (like Lagavulin Bi-Centenary 8yo). Just saying 🙃
Thank you Bert
Welcome 🐢
So there you have it, another first for the 'Brawbags' blog. An interview, and a very fun interview at that. Again, I would like to thank you for reading, and apologise for the slightly aggressive opening paragraph. This closing paragraph is not at all aggressive, in fact, it's one that contains love and respect.
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