Like a horse shitting in the sea

Direct talk, simple words, getting to the point. That's what readers want and so the conclusions of this article are going to be presented right up front. There are some whisky scores that simply cannot be trusted, and some that can. The ones that can be trusted are more than likely independent reviews, and those that should be treated with caution are those that are corporate, organised whisky awards that present themselves to companies as a means for marketing and sales, and are schlapped onto bottles or boxes. Like a horse shitting in the sea, it's a load of crap that soon loses any significant meaning.

These scales never balance

I guess we should talk about scoring systems and a very common scoring system for whisky is the 100 points scale. Now, I've seen many debates on scoring systems, out of 5, out of 10, stars, crocodiles anything really. IGN (a website that specialises in gaming reviews) moved from 100 points to 10 points and I've seen that happen in whisky as well. However I think the 100 point system is still something of a standard, used by absolute rotters such as Jim or Serge as well as absolute legends such as Matt from The Dramble and myself (same birthday btw). Other whisky experts have even moved to a binary 'good' or 'bad' scoring system based off a Scottish comedy sketch show which I must admit, has it's merits too (cuts through the shite). Whatever scoring system is chosen, we look for the high scorers, the Messi's and Ronaldo's of the whisky world, the MVPs, the brown trousers, the hungry herons, the tall ladders, the 60 pass move that involved every player and ended up in the goal via a no look backheel. The best around. The glass of water in a sea of horse shit.

The best, around

Ideally we would be able to taste something before we buy, but given the vast amount of choice we are faced with and given that this choice seems to be ever growing, limiting ourselves to things we have already tried would mean our choice actually would be super restrictive, somewhat ironically, which is why whisky reviews themselves are a kind of currency, in a way. This overloading of choice doesn't just extend to whisky, it took me months to research what kind of new TV to buy, it was honestly exhausting, and even choosing a toothpaste involves a choice that is more difficult than it should be. Ask yourself, how many toothpaste adverts you have seen over the years promising a revolution for a basic formula that hasn't changed that much since they started putting fluoride in it? We don't want to be brushing our teeth with horseshit of course, but since when did they start putting horse shit in toothpaste (you never know)

What we want to avoid

So we need others to help us. We need to know if something is good or bad, if it's worth our money. We need help, we are crying out for it, please help us, we need help lord hear our calls, this whisky looks interesting but maybe this other one is better, they are a similar price lord what should I do? Many so called whisky preachers try to answer your call, but there is only so much they can do individually. They are only one person. Even when a few of them band together to create a blog called Malt for instance, they can only do so much, they are only human. Over 50 people have demanded they do a Johnny Walker Black re-review for instance, but nothing. How can we trust their palates when they won't tell us what they think of one of the worlds most drank whiskies? On average Malt scores 5/10 based on statistical analysis of all their reviews going back to 2013, somewhat ironically. An average score on average! I like Malt and their reviewers, and you should be reading them before you read this horseshit.

Malt

This blog basically came about because of a number of very high scores (out of 100) from an organisation called the IWSC (International Wine and Spirits Competition). So many whiskies scoring over 90, which is traditionally an incredible score to give to a whisky on the 100 point scale. Imagine seeing a 90 plus point whisky available for sale! Imagine! Those sales numbers surely would jump, and perhaps you could even read a case story or two about that on their website. Now, I'm going to hold my hand up and say that yeah my investigations have only gone as far as their website, but that's what they are putting out there so why not simply go off that? I'm not a journalist or anything, I'm just a very attractive man who has a blog and you are reading it. I find that amazing, and thank you, but what I mean is that they scored Aberlour 12 a 98 and Jameson Caskmates IPA a 96. That's fucking horseshit and everyone reading this blog should know that.

We will not always be abled

I have already stated my conclusion at the start, a Pulp Fiction type of situation where Vincent Vega is still alive at the end even though he died during the film. You already know to base your opinions off people you know and trust and who have palates that are similar to yours. That is if you are buying your whisky to drink, sooner or later. If, however, your interest might lie in selling later, then maybe the larger corporate award scores could be useful!

This blog was sponsored by Depend® UK: Helping Women & Men to Live Well with Incontinence